Father's Day...

I know it's a little late...
But I couldn't do it Sunday...
I just couldn't...

My dad...

I was a typical "Daddy's Girl"...
I always got my way with him...
No matter WHAT I asked for...

He was my protector until the day I got married...
And then he continued to do it even though his job was over...
When Jeff and I got divorced, he knew the real reason why...
And hated Jeff for it...

It's no secret that I was pregnant when Jeff and I got married...
We had been together for 5 years when I found out we were going to have a baby...
And we had been engaged for 2 1/2 of those 5 years and had lived with each other for the 1 1/2 years...
When you 'play' you 'pay'...and for someone who was told I would never be able to have a baby...I didn't care that we weren't married yet...I had a miracle growing inside of me!!

My dad was the first one I went to with everything...good news or bad...it didn't matter...
When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't go to him first...I told Jeff...and he didn't speak to me for a couple of days...like I was the ONLY one responsible for it!
After I told him, I called my best friend for life...Kristie...my cousin...
We cried together...and then I told Kristie's mom, my Aunt Vickie...
Aunt Vickie went to the doctor with me two days later to confirm that I was pregnant (even though all 5 test were positive, Jeff still wanted the doctor to confirm it)...

Me, Aunt Vickie, Kristie and my mom had lunch together that day...
I wanted to break the news to her in a public place...so she wouldn't kill me...LOL...
I couldn't do it...
She had to get back to work...so we all got in my rental car and as I was pulling out on 2100, I told her...and we all started crying...but it was happy tears...she was going to be a Nanna again...

I told her that when she got home from work, that I would meet her there and we would tell my dad together...
I got there and we were all just talking away about any and everything...
Then...I said "Daddy, I have to tell you something and you are probably going to be either mad or disappointed in me."
The look on his face went blank...and he said "Okay Peanut, what is it?"
And I just blurted out "I'm pregnant..."
He said "What?"
I said "I'm pregnant..."
The look on his face went from nothing to sheer excitement!!!
He jumpped up from his chair and did a happy dance...
And then grabbed me and started hugging me...

I was so scared that he would be more disappointed in me than my mom was...
But he wasn't...
He told me that he was "always on my side for any and every thing I did...no matter what!"

Right before my dad walked me down the isle to marry Jeff, he said "Peanut, you don't have to do this...you can do this on your own and I'll help you with everything you need... You don't have to get married just because you are pregnant...you can do anything you want on your own!!"
Of course, I told him no...
That I wanted to marry Jeff and spend our lives together and raise our child together...

He used to tease me after we got divorced that I should have taken him up on his offer the day I got married...LMAO...
My dad was something else!!

I miss him SO MUCH!!!
I still find myself picking up the phone during the day to call him and check on him...

I hate not being able to do that!!
We've know since his first stroke (when Karson was 11 months old) that he was a walking timebomb waiting to go off...
We never thought in a million years that cancer would be what took him from us...
When you have a brainstem that's blocked 100%...cancer isn't your biggest worry at the time...

Cancer became our biggest worry on June 13, 2007...
He went in for a biopsy on "something" on his throat...
Dr. Denis Hoasjoe took my dad back there and when he came out, he changed our lives forever!
He said that the spot was cancerous, but it was Stage 1 and could be cured...
When we got down to MD Anderson three weeks later, we found out differently...
Dad's cancer was alreay at Stage 4 and was very aggressive!
They started him on chemo and radiation the next week...
Massive doses of it...
There was a chance that due to his other medical problems, that it could hurt him...
Well, it turned out that he couldn't take the chemo...
It did more harm that good...
He got put into CCICU at MD Anderson the first time with double pneumonia...
He was on a ventilator and everything for weeks...
We didn't think that he would make it...
He stayed in CCICU for three weeks and then a regular room for a week more...
The doctors said that due to not being able to go to treatments for three weeks, that it could mess up his prognosis...
In November 2007, the day we buried one of his sisters who died of cancer, my dad got a clean bill of health...
Or so the doctors thought!
He was fine for a few months...
And then he told us that he knew the doctors were wrong about the clean bill of health...
He knew the day they told us...but he wanted us to enjoy it for a little while...and he wanted to enjoy us before he told us the truth...
He went back to the doctor for his 3 month check up and it confirmed what he knew from November...
The cancer was still there...and it was speading FAST!!
We got to go on one last family trip (minus my brother Bryan - BK) to Savannah, GA...
The girls LOVE Paula Deen...so we drove all the way to Savannah to go eat at her restaurant...
And it was worth it...
That was really the last time my dad could actually eat something...
They put a feeding tube in him in August 2008...
He still "ate" his shakes...but mostly he was fed through the feeding tube...
He put off getting it as long as he could...
He didn't want to get it because of the girls...
He loved his girls SO MUCH!!!
And they love their PawPaw with all their hearts!!!

On December 21, 2008, my dad went into the hospital for the last time...
He started hemorrhaging from the mouth.
I wasn't home and got a frantic call from my mom telling me to meet them at MD Anderson...
I was with Julie and MiMi at Wal-Mart...
We had a basket of stuff that we just left in the aisle and ran...
We made it to the hospital before they did...
Julie and MiMi went with me...well...Julie drove...there was no way they were letting me do it...
The doctor didn't think that he would make it through the night...but he did...
They got the hemorrhaging stopped and moved him into a room...
We called the entire family in...
We just knew...
The next day they moved him into a hospice care hospital in The Heights...
Everyone came to see him the 22nd and 23rd and then on the 24th he wanted to have Christmas with his girls...
So, Angie went to the house and got all the presents for them from Mom and Dad...
By the time she got there, he started hemorrhaging again...
Doyle took the girls and they went to look at Christmas lights and then took them back to their house...
My dad drew his last breath at 6:19 p.m. December 24, 2008...
Mom, Bryan, Angie, me, MeeMaw, Keith, Aunt Judy,and Uncle Ronnie were all there with him when he went...
He had such a peaceful look on his face when he finally went...
And my mom felt a weight lifted off her shoulders because he knew he was no longer suffering...
He suffered SO MUCH the last few months he was alive...

Daddy,
I love you and I miss you...
I know that you are so much better now...
But is still hurts...
You would be so proud of your girls...
They are growing into fine young ladies...
Megan is now 14...
Karson is almost 10...
Thank you for being YOU!!!

Love,
Peanut