...TUESDAY...

I have thought all day long that today is WEDNESDAY!!!! Now...my day is crushed...LOL...

Well...it's been a LONG time since I posted anything...I know...but...I felt I needed a little break... PLUS...I had surgery and it put me out of commission for a couple of weeks...

More on my surgery you say... Okay...here goes...

Most of you who read my blog have known me all of my life or, at least, most of it... This is something that I have never been able to talk about...with anyone... As you know, I've ALWAYS been overweight...and five years ago after having that tumor removed, the hormones from trying to get pregnant again and all the other stuff that was going on in our lives...I gained more weight...

I used to be REALLY self-conscious about my weight... I didn't do a whole lot because I was too embarrassed by my weight...and I love(d) my (ex-)husband to death, but it was partially his fault... As you notice, I don't blame him completely...I'm at fault too... BUT...I had a wake up call when we got divorced 3 years ago...i have a whole new meaning in life about me...(please excuse the French)...IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME THE WAY I AM, FUCK YOU, I DON'T NEED YOU IN MY LIFE!!!... So, I started dressing differently...not covering up as much and not wearing clothes that were actually too big for me and made me look bigger... My whole outlook on myself changed...FOR THE BETTER!!!! I love myself the way I am...and if you don't love me like this...bye-bye...

But, a couple of years ago I had to start taking high blood pressure medicine, cholesterol medicine, still on a small dose of hormones, and also medicine for acid reflux... So...in January of 2010, I decided to make a HUGE change in my life...

I went to see a doctor's seminar about Gastric Bypass... I feel in love with the doctors because they were SO truthful...and caring...and straight up in your face about it! I started going to see Dr. Robert Davis of The Davis Clinic in Memorial City, Houston, Texas and I can honestly tell you...that he has changed my life for the better!!

I, of course, had to do the whole insurance requirement thing...and I got APPROVED... I went to a nutritionist for 3 months so I could learn what I needed to prepare myself for after surgery... On July 7th (Karson's 10th bday), I got a call from Alma at the Clinic and she said that they got the final approval for surgery...and that I had a surgery date...of August 24th, 2010...

I was so excited...but then I was like "CRAP"...I can't take off work that week...it's the first week of school...and they will fall apart if I'm not there...but then I was like...no, they will be okay...I'll give them PLENTY of notice that I will be out for a week or so... So, I talked to my boss and told him what I had going on and that I know we aren't supposed to take off during August/September...but I had to do this...I couldn't put it off any longer... So...he agreed that since it was a medicial issue and not vacation, that I could have the week off...

On August 10th, 2010, I started my two weeks of liquids only prior to surgery... The first few days were tough...but...my friends and famly supported me so much (THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! I LOVE EACH OF YOU DEARLY!!!!)... I will say that I did cheat some during those two weeks...I just HAD to have something to freaking chew and swallow!!! LOL...

Anyway, surgery day got here...and we (me, Mom, MeeMaw and Aunt Judy) went to the hospital and sat around forever until it was my turn... I was so nervous!!! I had only been in the hospital 2 times before that...1 to have Karson and 2 to have the tumor removed... I was so scared... I took Karson to school that morning and told her I loved her and gave her a HUGE hug and kiss and told her (and PRAYED REALLY HARD) that I would see her in a couple of days... Karson is the whole reason I was doing this... I wanted to be here for her...and see my daughter graduate HS, College, get married, and be with her when she gives us grandchildren (when I'm 50ish...I didn't have her until I was 25...)... She is the reason I am here today...she keeps me going...and I wanted to be around in order for her to keep me going!!!

I was in the hospital for a few days (Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday)...and I was doing great while there... I came home Friday and was okay...then by Saturday I thought that I had made the BIGGEST mistake of my life!!! I was SO SICK... ANYTHING I put in my mouth made me nauseous...and I threw up... I couldn't drink water or anything!! The doctor wanted to put me back in the hospital, but I said no... we finally realized that I'm allergic to liquid coedine...I will NEVER take that stuff again!!! Once that got out of my system, I could drink water and broth without hurling...

I'm doing GREAT now!!! I have lost a total of 48 pounds in a month!!! I can't eat a lot at one time...but that's fine... My stomach is about the size of a golf ball...so it only holds about 1/4 to 1/2 cup at a time... I have to eat 4 or 5 times a day...and it has to be hig protein foods...because I can't drink the protein shakes anymore...they make me hurl... They are SO SWEET!!! And I wasn't a sweet eater before surgery...and I'm definitely NOT one now...LOL...

I have to read all the nutrition facts on all food now... I can only have so much sugar per meal... And it's hard to eat things that are canned/pre-packaged because of the sugar count... But...so far so good... I feel a lot better...and can do more by jsut losing the 48 pounds...just think when I lose all that I want to how good I will feel...

Thank you so much for listening to me... I will keep everyone updated on my progress as time goes on...

Thank you again...and I love each and every one of you...

PS - I would post a before and now picture, but for some reason, blogger won't accept my pics...whatever...LOL...

Have a great day!!!

1st Day of School

WOW...

School starts again today for just about EVERY School District in Texas...all of them in the Houston area start today...

AND I OFFICIALLY HAVE A 5TH GRADER.......AND A NIECE IN HS.......

And yes, I did shed a few tears... I can't believe my girls are growing up so fast!! I don't have a first day of school picture to share...because mom leaves for work at 6:15 a.m. and she was not all smiles when I woke her up to tell her to have a good day...LOL...

I did gt to talk to her though...because the Nanny had to call me and tell me to have a talk with her...she DID NOT want to move this morning...plus she had a wardrobe malfunction...and for girls her age...wardrobe malfunctions are the worst thing that can happen...especially on the first day of school...so pray my girls day turns out better than it has started...

So, her day didn't start off too good...I sure hope it gets better tomorrow morning...but...I won't see her then either...or for the next few days actually... Her dad is coming to get her this evening and she is spending the next two nights with him while I'm in the hospital...and I'm SO going to miss her... She's my girl...and we take care of each other... So...the Nanny will be taking care of me for the next few days instead of the kiddo...LOL...

Have a great day everyone...

Thought for today...

True Love is when you can sit in a room together and say nothing, and it feels like you've said a thousand words!

...COFFEE AND FRUIT AND CHEESE...

Okay...I know it's been a while since I blogged...and you were probably wondering where on earth I've been...but...I've been right here...sorry to spoil your fun...no adventures for me...BUT...I do have one coming up...August 24th...more about that another day...

I've been doing really great with coffee in the mornings... I don't make it at home because I get up so early and the Nanny doesn't get up until much later... So, like any good person would do...I just wait and get coffee when I get to work so the Nanny doesn't drink stale coffee...because that's just the way I am...I think of others before I think of myself... Well...this morning I needed it...so...I stopped at Starbucks... And Starbucks is somewhere that I've been staying away from... Anyway, so I stop and get coffee and they have a fruit, nut and cheese tray now, so I got that too... It was just what I needed...and the Brie that is in the little tray...is AWESOME!!! I've had some GREAT Brie...but this just melted in my mouth (like most Brie's do)...but it was really good! Brie is not normally something that i want at 6 a.m., but I'm glad I stopped at Starbucks this morning...because it was really good...

Have a great day everyone!!!

My STAYcation...

I was off last week and we went absolutly NO WHERE!!! We hung out at the house every day and just enjoyed our mom and daughter time!!

My sweet daughter turned 10 years old on July 7th...and I let her have her first slumber party... I had five 10 year old girls and one 14 1/2 year old (my loving niece) at my house for 24 hours...plus the family that night for cake and ice cream... I can't believe my baby girl has hit the double digits in age!!

We went Saturday night to the Sam Houston Racetrack to watch the horses race...and then see Sunny Sweeny and Kevin Fowler in concert! Karson got to meet him and have her picture made and his autograph... She was on cloud nine for hours after we left... Then we did nothing at all yesterday but stay in our jammies... I don't think she came down from the clouds until about 2 a.m. or so... I have pictures from the other night...but for some reason, I can't upload any to here... (that's why I haven't had any pictures posted in a LONG time) The fight between my blog and me has resulted in my blog winning...

Well...I hope that everyone had a safe and happy 4th of July... Karson was at her dads that weekend and when he brought her home, they stayed for fireworks...and Ryan only got scared a couple of times... I love seeing things from the eyes of a 2 1/2 year old! He's so sweet and I tell his dad that he looks just like him...because there is no mistaking that Jeff is Ryans dad just like there is no mistaking that Karson is mine...\

Have a great day!

Father's Day...

I know it's a little late...
But I couldn't do it Sunday...
I just couldn't...

My dad...

I was a typical "Daddy's Girl"...
I always got my way with him...
No matter WHAT I asked for...

He was my protector until the day I got married...
And then he continued to do it even though his job was over...
When Jeff and I got divorced, he knew the real reason why...
And hated Jeff for it...

It's no secret that I was pregnant when Jeff and I got married...
We had been together for 5 years when I found out we were going to have a baby...
And we had been engaged for 2 1/2 of those 5 years and had lived with each other for the 1 1/2 years...
When you 'play' you 'pay'...and for someone who was told I would never be able to have a baby...I didn't care that we weren't married yet...I had a miracle growing inside of me!!

My dad was the first one I went to with everything...good news or bad...it didn't matter...
When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't go to him first...I told Jeff...and he didn't speak to me for a couple of days...like I was the ONLY one responsible for it!
After I told him, I called my best friend for life...Kristie...my cousin...
We cried together...and then I told Kristie's mom, my Aunt Vickie...
Aunt Vickie went to the doctor with me two days later to confirm that I was pregnant (even though all 5 test were positive, Jeff still wanted the doctor to confirm it)...

Me, Aunt Vickie, Kristie and my mom had lunch together that day...
I wanted to break the news to her in a public place...so she wouldn't kill me...LOL...
I couldn't do it...
She had to get back to work...so we all got in my rental car and as I was pulling out on 2100, I told her...and we all started crying...but it was happy tears...she was going to be a Nanna again...

I told her that when she got home from work, that I would meet her there and we would tell my dad together...
I got there and we were all just talking away about any and everything...
Then...I said "Daddy, I have to tell you something and you are probably going to be either mad or disappointed in me."
The look on his face went blank...and he said "Okay Peanut, what is it?"
And I just blurted out "I'm pregnant..."
He said "What?"
I said "I'm pregnant..."
The look on his face went from nothing to sheer excitement!!!
He jumpped up from his chair and did a happy dance...
And then grabbed me and started hugging me...

I was so scared that he would be more disappointed in me than my mom was...
But he wasn't...
He told me that he was "always on my side for any and every thing I did...no matter what!"

Right before my dad walked me down the isle to marry Jeff, he said "Peanut, you don't have to do this...you can do this on your own and I'll help you with everything you need... You don't have to get married just because you are pregnant...you can do anything you want on your own!!"
Of course, I told him no...
That I wanted to marry Jeff and spend our lives together and raise our child together...

He used to tease me after we got divorced that I should have taken him up on his offer the day I got married...LMAO...
My dad was something else!!

I miss him SO MUCH!!!
I still find myself picking up the phone during the day to call him and check on him...

I hate not being able to do that!!
We've know since his first stroke (when Karson was 11 months old) that he was a walking timebomb waiting to go off...
We never thought in a million years that cancer would be what took him from us...
When you have a brainstem that's blocked 100%...cancer isn't your biggest worry at the time...

Cancer became our biggest worry on June 13, 2007...
He went in for a biopsy on "something" on his throat...
Dr. Denis Hoasjoe took my dad back there and when he came out, he changed our lives forever!
He said that the spot was cancerous, but it was Stage 1 and could be cured...
When we got down to MD Anderson three weeks later, we found out differently...
Dad's cancer was alreay at Stage 4 and was very aggressive!
They started him on chemo and radiation the next week...
Massive doses of it...
There was a chance that due to his other medical problems, that it could hurt him...
Well, it turned out that he couldn't take the chemo...
It did more harm that good...
He got put into CCICU at MD Anderson the first time with double pneumonia...
He was on a ventilator and everything for weeks...
We didn't think that he would make it...
He stayed in CCICU for three weeks and then a regular room for a week more...
The doctors said that due to not being able to go to treatments for three weeks, that it could mess up his prognosis...
In November 2007, the day we buried one of his sisters who died of cancer, my dad got a clean bill of health...
Or so the doctors thought!
He was fine for a few months...
And then he told us that he knew the doctors were wrong about the clean bill of health...
He knew the day they told us...but he wanted us to enjoy it for a little while...and he wanted to enjoy us before he told us the truth...
He went back to the doctor for his 3 month check up and it confirmed what he knew from November...
The cancer was still there...and it was speading FAST!!
We got to go on one last family trip (minus my brother Bryan - BK) to Savannah, GA...
The girls LOVE Paula Deen...so we drove all the way to Savannah to go eat at her restaurant...
And it was worth it...
That was really the last time my dad could actually eat something...
They put a feeding tube in him in August 2008...
He still "ate" his shakes...but mostly he was fed through the feeding tube...
He put off getting it as long as he could...
He didn't want to get it because of the girls...
He loved his girls SO MUCH!!!
And they love their PawPaw with all their hearts!!!

On December 21, 2008, my dad went into the hospital for the last time...
He started hemorrhaging from the mouth.
I wasn't home and got a frantic call from my mom telling me to meet them at MD Anderson...
I was with Julie and MiMi at Wal-Mart...
We had a basket of stuff that we just left in the aisle and ran...
We made it to the hospital before they did...
Julie and MiMi went with me...well...Julie drove...there was no way they were letting me do it...
The doctor didn't think that he would make it through the night...but he did...
They got the hemorrhaging stopped and moved him into a room...
We called the entire family in...
We just knew...
The next day they moved him into a hospice care hospital in The Heights...
Everyone came to see him the 22nd and 23rd and then on the 24th he wanted to have Christmas with his girls...
So, Angie went to the house and got all the presents for them from Mom and Dad...
By the time she got there, he started hemorrhaging again...
Doyle took the girls and they went to look at Christmas lights and then took them back to their house...
My dad drew his last breath at 6:19 p.m. December 24, 2008...
Mom, Bryan, Angie, me, MeeMaw, Keith, Aunt Judy,and Uncle Ronnie were all there with him when he went...
He had such a peaceful look on his face when he finally went...
And my mom felt a weight lifted off her shoulders because he knew he was no longer suffering...
He suffered SO MUCH the last few months he was alive...

Daddy,
I love you and I miss you...
I know that you are so much better now...
But is still hurts...
You would be so proud of your girls...
They are growing into fine young ladies...
Megan is now 14...
Karson is almost 10...
Thank you for being YOU!!!

Love,
Peanut

HOT...HUMID...SOUTHEAST TEXAS...

Today is Tuesday, June 8, 2010...and it's already been SO HOT outside!!! I think that this summer is going to be a HOT one again!! And the humidity...man...it's like a sauna out there most days!! Last year it was this hot as well...and we had a VERY COLD winter!! Snowing two and three times in one winter in Crosby, Texas is a record...and we LOVED every second of it!!!

Now it's summer time and the pool is finally swimable...so we will more than likely spend every afternoon in the pool!!

Stay cool...don't get over heated this summer...